In Which A Cave Creature Finds Us Tasty

O Nature, e'er experimenting! Now
We find a swimming cricket in the dark
Of Venezuelan caves? So tell me, how
You think you're going to top this. I'll just park
Myself and wait; this poser's sure to beat
Your ingenuity a while -- what? You
Aren't done with just this creature? It eats meat?
Carnivorous cave crickets. OK. Phew!
You had me worried for a moment -- Oh!
It's human flesh it seems to crave? Well, there,
I hadn't been expecting that, although
I shouldn't be surprised; I'm well aware
That as we take up all the living space
We'll soon be food for each remaining race.

In Which I Ponder Cells As Their Own Entities

A single cell, we barely understand,

Says Brian Ford, and why is he not right?

We know what's up within but in the grand

External scheme, so little's come to light

Because that's not where we choose now to look.

Take neurons, he says, are they just a switch?

Is what goes on between them thought? I took

Some time, consid'ring this, and find it rich:

Somatic cells do what they must with no

Great micromanagement from human brains.

If just a liver cell works on its own

What wonders can one neuron entertain?

Reductionists miss out; let's learn some more

About whole cells and what they have in store!

In Which I Finally Actually Watch Fringe And Find Much To Like

Weird sci-fi stuff, I'll always give a chance,

So Fringe has long been on my growing list

Of shows that may deserve more than a glance.

I've all but the first season's ending twist

(Which I think I see coming) 'neath my belt,

And have to say that, while the jokes are stale,

The casting makes my cynic's heart just melt

A bit. John Noble's perfect, and the pale

And pensive Anna Torv stands up quite well

To all his antics. But really, the lab

Is why I keep on watching. It's just swell!

Rube-Goldberg analog tech is a fab

Kate-baiting tactic, e'en without a cow.

I'm queueing up the first finale now!

In Which A Sea Slug Goes Green

Its kleptomania we knew before,

Elysia chlorotica's, that slug's,

Like other ocean dwellers -- only more

Is going on than just some bugs

Kidnapped and put to work within its gut!

It keeps the chloroplasts it eats intact

And making chlorophyll no matter what.

So like a plant -- and this is no mean act --

It feeds on sunlight as it swims along.

So while it still likes algae for a meal

Its need to do so isn't very strong

As long as there is light it needn't steal

Its energy from other life, although

It still does need to feed somewhat to grow.

In Which A Vibrator Penetrates... A Yeast Cell

To introduce material into

Most things is just a simple matter of

A poke or tease to open them but who

Knew yeast cells were so hard to give some love?

But leave it to a Frenchman, visiting

To find a way to loosen up those cells!

A microfabricator's just the thing,

He found, for penetrating those tough shells.

Schizosaccharomyces pombe, how

Did you get so important that smart men

Worked so to build a toy that will allow

Them access to your secrets? Then again,

They just want you to take up what they shoot

Inside you, so the point is rather moot.

In Which I Dote On A Strange Amphibian

Pleurodeles waltl is one strange newt:
Acanthoplus discoidalus has got
A rival for the title of most cute
And gruesome defense. Fresh news it is not
That this guy has this capability:
Victorians knew of it, but we've now
A better guess on methodology.
He swings his ribs right up and out, is how
He first reacts, then comes some poison goo
To flow into the wounds these spears create
In any creature's mouth that tries to chew
Him up! Sometimes this ends in cruelest fate:
Death to the snacker! The newt itself moves on
Unscathed; even the rib-holes heal anon.

In Which I Go Wild About A Comet Sample

A sample from a comet called Wild Two
Has yielded up results that could support
Panspermia, the notion that the stew
From which we're made just could be an import
From outer space. Yes, found was some glycine,
Without which many proteins cannot form.
And lest you think that this can only mean
Contamination -- you're not even warm!
The Carbon therein has one more neutron,
Than what we mostly find down here on Earth.
We're stardust, perhaps also comet-spawn,
Enough to inflate anyone's self-worth,
E'en if, as may well prove to be the case,
It turns out we've got relatives in space.

BUG WEEK: In Which We Prepare To Copy An Orchid's Strategy

A Vespa's more than just a motorbike --

It's also, first, a hornet who'll attack

'Most anything it nears that smells just like

A honeybee in fear, it's fav'rite snack.

There is an orchid, a Dendrobium

Which uses just these triggers for its own

Devices: pollenation. They succumb,

These hornets do, to a faked pheromone

The orchids make, that honeybees employ

To warn of danger lurking, and they dive

In search of food - but there's none to enjoy.

This knowledge soon may benefit each hive

Of honeybees that humans keep. We'll make

A trap that preys on this Vespa mistake!

Celebrate Memorial Day By Watching The History Channel... Hype A Lemur-Monkey?

At last my plans for this weekend are made!
Forget the troops who died to keep us free.
Forget the barbecues in sun and shade.
The most important date IN HISTORY
Is Monday, when the Hist'ry Channel airs
Its lemur-monkey-Ida-fossil show -
Or so the pre-hype for "The Link" declares.
It takes chutzpah to make that claim, I know.
But hype is what this fossil's all about.
Carl Zimmer made the apt comparison
'Tween Ida hype and that for films not out:
Publicity inflates what critics shun.
But just in case don't let the critics view
The product ere the public; that won't do!

With "Apologies" To Oscar Hammerstein II

When I am forced to pop Midol like gum,
And to make sure my trousers' hue is dark,
My disposition tends towards the glum.
To be a girl is nothing like a lark.
It's not the pain, though that is not a perk;
It's not the mess, though that's annoying, too;
It's that my patience wears out. I'm a jerk
For sev'ral days a month, and would eschew
Society if that were practical.
Alas it's not. I hate to be a girl
At times like this. I feel like I'm as full
Of bile as a gall bladder, want to curl
Into a ball around a heating pad;
Instead I'm here at work. And aren't we glad?