Saturday, April 13, 2013

In Which Is Considered Evil Dead 2013

An Evil Dead film done with a straight face,
In which the taxidermy never sings,
In which the slapstick's gone without a trace,
Might seem to be the silliest of things,
Yet earnest works when this much care is spent
On camera work, on angles, and on shots
That make each face strange ere malevolent
And gruesome art's applied. So there is lots
To recommend this movie. There is gore
Aplenty, speedy evil zooms, and all
That we expect, yes, that, and then much more:
This film is art! Yet funny, too. I'd call
It Evil Dead 3 -- Not Just a Remake.
Worth all the time and money that's at stake.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Hymn to Garaaga

Garaaga, father devil, he whose spit
Dissolveth Adamantium, we pray
Thee, slaver not. Thy drool, when
It spews fourth, it melteth stone back down to clay,
And renders all these vessels, all these pots
In which the blood of victims, offered up
To thee, Garaaga, starts to leak in spots,
Quite useless things, and how then may you sup?
Garaaga, thou whose snot, when it congeals,
We sculpt into explosive statuettes,
Take thou this handkerchief. And when it heals,
That weeping sore, its pus, the way it sets,
When ground, can banish faeries! Truly you,
Garaaga, are the god of godly goo!

Monday, April 1, 2013

In Which Ring the Bells of a Big Blue Mobile Phone

Souffle Girl is a puzzle; aren't they all?
Well, I suppose that, after fifty years,
The Doctor isn't really what we'd call
A mystery. And playing off the fears
That Moffat has of Twitter was a bit
Too silly, even for my silly taste.
All told, though, I'll say Matt has still got it
(My adoration, that would be); no waste
Of time or space, is he. Redecorate
Again, though? Go ahead, as long as you
Tell me a story. As for Clara's fate
Inside a Dalek, I'm down to see that, too.
The best for me, though, was Richard E. Grant!
This won't end well, now, will it? No, it can't!