In Which An Iron-Clad Snail Is Considered

Crysomallon squamiferum's the news,
Not as a brand-new species but because
Defense contractors seek to make some use
Of its sulfur-and-iron shell. The buzz
Is 'bout it's layered structure and design:
An inner layer, highly calcified,
A middle that's organic and a fine
And tough exterior: iron sulfide.
To piercing, crushing, bending, this shell is
Resistant as all hell. It would be great
If people could wear armor such as this
When needed - so damned hard to penetrate!
So cheers now to this funky steampunk snail
And to our friends who hope to don its mail!

In Which A Sea Slug Goes Green

Its kleptomania we knew before,

Elysia chlorotica's, that slug's,

Like other ocean dwellers -- only more

Is going on than just some bugs

Kidnapped and put to work within its gut!

It keeps the chloroplasts it eats intact

And making chlorophyll no matter what.

So like a plant -- and this is no mean act --

It feeds on sunlight as it swims along.

So while it still likes algae for a meal

Its need to do so isn't very strong

As long as there is light it needn't steal

Its energy from other life, although

It still does need to feed somewhat to grow.

In Which I Dote On A Strange Amphibian

Pleurodeles waltl is one strange newt:
Acanthoplus discoidalus has got
A rival for the title of most cute
And gruesome defense. Fresh news it is not
That this guy has this capability:
Victorians knew of it, but we've now
A better guess on methodology.
He swings his ribs right up and out, is how
He first reacts, then comes some poison goo
To flow into the wounds these spears create
In any creature's mouth that tries to chew
Him up! Sometimes this ends in cruelest fate:
Death to the snacker! The newt itself moves on
Unscathed; even the rib-holes heal anon.

In Which Black Super Ants Are Blamed

The next time all your lights go out you may

Pause for a moment ere you make that call

To yell at your utility, OK?

Another cause may be at work, is all

I want here to suggest. Take Gloucestshire,

At Hidcote Manor's gardens have been found

A Lasius neglectus band, a pure

Unholy nuisance: black ants who are bound

To be drawn to electric currents more

Than even food and drink. These Asian ants

Can thus cause black-outs, fires by the score

And vastly outbreed natives. There's a chance

That they're already over here as well,

Ant overlords who'll make our lives a hell.

SONNET DARE: The Tauntaun And The Toucan

A common ancestry just might unite
These two uncommon creatures I've been dared
To put in this, my sonnet for the night:
Ramphastidae and tauntaun. Are you scared?
But toucans (as Ramphastidae are called)
Are birds and thus the dinosaurs' grandkids
(Removed some generations), while the bald,
Unlovely tauntans, living on the skids
Of Hoth, ice planet, reptomammals are.
The latter are made-up for Star Wars Two
(Or Five if you buy into that bizarre
Asynchronicity); the former flew
First through my childish thoughts as cereal pimps
And only in the zoos are mine to glimpse.

BONUS SONNET DARE: Jiminy The (Chocolate-Covered?) Flightless Vomiting Cricket

Sometimes there really is no stopping me,
Inspired by a cricket as I am.
And what a cricket: blood and guts and squee!
(That last is me, though I suppose it can
Make noises like that if it likes). This one,
Acanthoplus discoidalis cannot
Fly off or fight too well, yet has a fun
And fabulous defense when it is caught:
It bleeds green nasty goo, then vomits all
Its last meal so the lizard spits it out!
If other lizards see this wherewithal
They leave the bug alone. Let's give a shout!
For, e'en if it were chocolate-coated, it
Would be a poor hors d'œuvre, you must admit.

BONUS SONNET: Locusts: Not Just For Baptists Anymore

We're told of old that John the Baptist fed

Himself on locusts and wild honey; I

Prefer orthopterans in chocolate, dead

Or perhaps still alive, though they can fly

Right out one's mouth unless well-coated.

But I'm digressing; here's why I've now got

Acrididae on my brain. It's noted

Up north in Canada that they are not

Unlike us, in they're subject to the same

Disturbances that cause migraines in a

Small suff'ring population, which I claim

With no pride to be part of. This is the

Best reason to revere them ever, sure:

By stud'ying them we might approach a cure!

Of Slime, Zappa, Ants And Worms

Frank Zappa wrote a song about the slime

That comes through one's own television set.

The Simpsons had Kent Brockman, that one time

Proclaiming our ant overlords no threat.

Comes now the news that down in fair Raleigh

(That's Raleigh, not R'lyeh) there dwells a blob

Down in the sewer, pulsating. Call me

A sucker for a creature tale, but it's my job

To celebrate the weird and to explain

Here that it's really just some worms without

Ought to coil 'round but one another. Fain

Am I, too, in faith to point this out:

We've known of Argentine ants' teeming spread

All 'round the world since '02. Use your head!

In Which I Contemplate Oregon Tides

A tide recedes and suddenly great rocks

Come up for air. At least I think there were

Some rocks beneath th'encrusted life and flocks

Of seagulls circling overhead. With her

Dog Jack a-snapping at the waves my sis

And I explored the slipp'ry rocks to find

The sort of things I'd been most sad to miss

The day before. What I had had in mind

Were tide pools like we saw so long ago

In California when I was a kid.

But here tide rocks have much the same, and so

I got my fill of starfish, mussels, did

Observe anenomes, one tiny crab,

And rarer still: a wild sea-going lab.

Selenochlamys ysbryda - Haunting Gardens Near You (If You Live In Britain, That Is)

Poor earthworms; it just isn't bad enough
That you get drowned, run over, et by birds.
Now comes a ghost slug to make your lives rough.
But honestly, this slug's too cool for words.
It's white and blind, with sharp teeth and a taste
For slurping earthworms "like spaghetti." Night
Is when it hunts beneath the soil. Displaced
It may well be from cave life, far from light.
Nor is it native to where it's been found,
The Cardiff region of Britain and Wales.
It's alien, near Cardiff! That's the sound
Of some rum Torchwood pitch, which never fails.
Imagine Gwen and silly Captain Jack
Defending earthworms from the slug's attack!

Celebrate Memorial Day By Watching The History Channel... Hype A Lemur-Monkey?

At last my plans for this weekend are made!
Forget the troops who died to keep us free.
Forget the barbecues in sun and shade.
The most important date IN HISTORY
Is Monday, when the Hist'ry Channel airs
Its lemur-monkey-Ida-fossil show -
Or so the pre-hype for "The Link" declares.
It takes chutzpah to make that claim, I know.
But hype is what this fossil's all about.
Carl Zimmer made the apt comparison
'Tween Ida hype and that for films not out:
Publicity inflates what critics shun.
But just in case don't let the critics view
The product ere the public; that won't do!

In Which A Tardigrade Is Not So Tardy

We learn today of a panarthopod
Who will stray far indeed from its home moss
When Russia sends it spacewards with a squad
Of other creatures, all the way across
To one of the twin moons of far Barsoom.
I will confess that ere this Sunday came
I'd never heard of tardigrades. I fume
A bit to learn that one could claim
To be the first on Phobos. I confess:
I'm on the fence about this. On one hand
A test to see how life forms stand this stress
Is vital to our long-term future, planned
To outlive our wee sun. Still, though, I doubt
A water bear ambassador has clout.

In Which I Celebrate A Certain Member of the Lycaenidae Family

It makes me glad when insects hit the news,
No matter if that news is good or bad.
This week a caterpillar chased my blues
Away when it became the latest fad.
It lies in wait for an ant hunting group,
And dabs itself with just the tricksy scent
To cause the ants to scream a frightened whoop
(A metaphor) and say "THAT's where you went,
You silly queen, we'd better get you home
And feed you up and keep you safe and sound!"
Henceforce, not only does this cuckoo roam
At will within the anthill underground,
And dine on choicest ant-food as it likes,
But it's fed larvae when disaster strikes.