In Which 2012 Hoaxers Have More To Answer For And A Clarion Call To Party Is Made

OR, I'm Not Crazy, I Just Want To Be Famous Before The Lizard People Get Me

I should not be surprised that Richard Heene
Believes 2012 will be the end
Of everything, and wanted some more screen
Time ere it all went down. But as my friend
The Astroengine says, be grateful for
Such nutters and the fodder they provide
For bloggers and for skeptics. I want more!
We've two years ere the epic and worldwide
And non-event takes place. Meanwhile we must
Put on our party-planning hats: 12/22
Of that fine year: Chichen Itza or bust!
When ev'ry skeptic who has any clue
Must gather, drink and dance and launch balloons.
I'll bring the sake. Ian, do the tunes?

In Which The AstroEngine's Odometer Hits 29

Such marvels did that #dirtyscience bring!
A running joke as we waited to hear
The Bad Astronomer doing his thing
On Coast to Coast in March of this fine year!
That's how Ian O'Neill entered my ken.
And now I know there's more to him than stars.
A fine DJ and bunny-lover when
He isn't writing articles. It's ours
To thank him on his natal day, today,
For all the fun he's brought, this crazy guy.
I think of him when weird news comes my way,
And always when I look up at the sky.
So happy birthday, Ian, you cool cat.
Now I recall... something about a hat?

BONUS BONUS SONNET: In Which I Drop A Subtle Hint

O Ian, dear, I wrote 'bout Sharks in Space
Just for your page; now for you I've a task:
What I want most in life's to see your face
Beneath a foil propeller beanie. Ask
Not why it's so; I no longer recall
Just how this project really got its start
(Though I know that it's my fault, after all).
My wish is true; it comes straight from my heart.
And such a little thing I do request:
Here even are instructions for just how
To build the hat. You can make up the rest!
As long as there's a spinner 'bove your brow
When it's all done. You think sonnets are free?
Now off to work. You've got 'til half-past three.

Two Geek Tastes That Would Taste Great Together

Approaches now Shark Week 2009,
When we all celebrate a great success:
The Selichimorphae. It would be fine
Enough all on its own, but then there's -- yes!
The notion of some sharks as astronauts.
Now, don't you laugh - it makes a certain sense.
Survivors they are, tougher than robots;
Relentless, they are, too, and quite intense.
Accustomed, too, to move in vast 3-D
Environments, near-weightless, and they're smart,
With ratios, brain-to-mass, that, we can see,
Match many mammals'. And then, the best part:
To make spacesuits for sharks would be a breeze:
No sleeves or pantlegs needed. Do it, please!

Sonneteer's note: this one was commissioned by the great and mighty Ian O'Neil of Discovery Space, who wanted some way to get in on some of that sweet Shark Week action while still remaining true his official purview, which is, of course, space science and astrophysics. It was Ian who cooked up the artwork accompanying this post. Just so you know, your sonneteer is not the only bozo on this bus...

In Which Pretty Pictures Panic The Pea-Brained

Crop circles make me smile, yes, and admire
The ingenuity of the artistes
Who make them. I have tried, but quickly tire;
To push down crops is hard work, and I cease
Long ere my handiwork takes on the scope
Of such as these, whose dire significance
Would seem all doomsday sayers' greatest hope.
Upon these wacky claims I look askance.
Ultraterrestrials (to use the late
John Keel's term), if they really did care
Enough to warn us of a baneful date
Would, I feel sure, find a clear way to share.
And yeah, the hole in our magnetosphere
And CME threat are explained right here.