In Which I Give My Inner Ahab Free Reign

Cetaceans once were of my great concern,
In first grade when my good friend, Monica,
And I sought out a worthy cause to earn
Some merit as Girl Scouts or something. Uh,
But that was long ago, and while I still
Don't dig the whaling industry, I find
That sometimes I would not regard as ill
The feel of a harpoon in my hand. Mind,
The whale that I would hunt swims not the seas
Of Earth, but of the internet. The sight
Of this behemoth's guaranteed to tease
The gentlest soul with ev'ry urge to fight
That nestles yet within our seething brains.
I'd really love to share with it my pains.