Cablegate: No Secret Is One Forever

As Thumper's mom once said, if it's not nice,
Then say it not at all (I paraphrase
Of course). Would that this very good advice
Had just been heeded -- no need now to raise
The kind of fuss we've seen this week. Oh please!
Most schoolkids know it's better not to pass
Those catty notes lest any teacher seize
The evidence and read them for the class
To jeer at or get mad about. It's fools
Who think no one will ever know their deeds
In army life, in embassies or schools;
Likewise those whose dark plans or evil screeds
Depend on staying secret. Lesson learned?
I doubt it. Better just to look concerned.

In Which A Trial Is Postponed And A Dead Hitchhiking Horse Is Beaten Yet More

Yea, Prostnic Vogon Blago, we yet wait
The redo of your trial. Meanwhile one who
Seeks office, we're sure, thinks that this is great,
His mayoral ambitions safe. "So phew,
Green Putty! Pridsummer," quoth Rahm Grunthos.
Perhaps, though, it is we whose vast relief
Should here be celebrated. 'Twould be gross
Were both of them in court. I'd share the grief
Of those poor Pralites on Rod's jury, forced
To listen to such duets as they'd share.
'Twould harm Rahm Grunthos' chances, though, of course
Were he compelled to go and recite there
Such lines as might defend his Vogon pal.
Shall his intenstine intervene? It shall!

The Great White Handkerchief Can Come Any Day Now, Thanks

Oolon Colluphid's fav'rite cover girl,
Adorning so his first, most famous book,
Has quit her job of making people hurl --
At least from Juneau's mansion. What it took
To make her stop, I really do not know.
I fear she's after Zaphod's job for her
Grand Krikkit party. Please can't someone throw
Her back into the Slo-Time? Or transfer
This real-life Humma Kavula away
To Frogstar Planet B to meet her fate?
O Sarah Palin, what else can I say
That you've not said much worse? I can't relate.
My fluency ain't what it used to be
In Gibberish, and when you speak, I flee.

BONUS SONNET: Mark Sanford, Out To Lunch...

Mark Sanford is no Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Our Zaphod, he is just zis guy, we know,

As Halifrunt would tell us. Sanford rocks

Not one bit, as he bumbles to and fro

From Carolina to the Argentine.

Zaphod just crashed one party, said "Hey doll,

This guy boring you?" and she went flying

With him without a thought, having a ball.

Maria Belen Chapur, though, did cause

Her man to shirk his job, cross continents

To be with her. She did expose his flaws

For all to see. Would Trillian's sentiments

So do to Zaphod? No! Not by a mile.

Ol' Zaphod, with a ten of ten for style?