In Which Something Needs Tapped (And Not In That Way, Gutterbrain)

O Error, loyal, omnipresent friend
I wish I did not have, I often wish
You'd find another boon companion, end
Our bondage to each other. Sorry-ish.
I know this is, for you, a poor reward
For sticking to me like this, but until
The power of our partnership is stored
And harnessed (it could light and heat, fulfill
A city's power needs entire), what good
Are we a-doing anyone? It's not
A source, even, of comedy as would
A proper duo be, in which a spot
Of muffing lightens up the mood. Instead
We simply make me wish me still in bed.

In Which The Bitch Goddess Conspires With The Federal Government, To My Detriment

Elusive Morpheus, I chased you 'round,

But your bitch sister chased me 'round as well,

And whispered "What will you do when you've found

That your most trusted timepiece (that your cell

Phone) failed to update when we stole that hour

We keep in trust for you lot 'till next fall?

Go unwashed or unfed, or will you cower

Before co-workers sheepishly and call

To tell them you missed out on this time-change?"

I knew that I could trust my gadgets, but --

And is there one of you who'd call this strange? --

I tossed and turned all night, my eyes wide shut.

And even after two turned into three

Insomnia still had her hold on me.

In Which I Am Mugged By An Unpleasant Day

If this day were a person, I would fear
Him like the bullies who betimes would stuff
Me in my locker during freshman year.
He'd have one eye, and, if that weren't enough,
Six fingers on each hand, and fewer teeth
Than he has got tattoos. His reechy breath,
As sharp as that buckknife there in its sheath;
No need to brandish it. I'm scared to death
That he is not done threatening me yet!
I would he went away, left me alone,
Except I don't know just who else would get
A visit in my stead, who might be thrown,
A morsel into his rapacious maw.
But if he looks away I shall withdraw!

In Which I Compose A Reluctant Hymn

The Bitch Goddess has found me once again.

Insomnia makes herself right at home

At inconvenient intervals, like when

I need my brain to focus. O please roam

Elsewhere tonight! What kind of sacrifice

Would you accept, maleficence, tonight

To leave me be? I'll pay most any price

To sleep well once this week. You heard me right --

Or would if you were listening to me.

But all you want to hear are helpless moans

From those you hold in thrall. But soon, you'll see

My body will conspire with me. My bones

Shall sink deep in the mattress and I'll drop

Beyond your reach. But really, can't you stop?

BONUS BONUS SONNET: The Bitch-Goddess Slaps Me Still

Her sister Dawn gives me the finger soon

And still I sit awake at my laptop.

I had some laughs, and heard a brand-new tune

(To me at least), but this has got to stop!

I didn't want to take a frakkin pill,

Not on my Saturday, that seemed so lame.

This maybe was a poor time for my will

To be so strong, but what else can I blame?

Insomnia has slapped me all night long;

I have the red face and the bleary eyes

To prove that point. Of course, I may be wrong.

That bitch-goddess did not fire up the 'net.

I did that on my own. That's what I get.

BONUS SONNET: A Friend I Wish I Did Not Have

I have a friend who only comes at night

(And not that kind of "comes," O dirty minds),

Informally; I never need invite

Her in. She's clever, and she always finds

A way around my booby traps and snares,

And takes her tiresome seat beside my bed,

Says "You're awake! Oh good!" and calmly stares

And waits for me to pay her mind instead

Of sleeping tight. She thinks it's much more fun

Regaling me with past misdeeds and gaffes,

Or taunting me with things I've not yet done

And prob'ly never will, and cruelly laughs.

"INSOMNIA, bitch goddess, get thee gone!"

I cry. Then morning NPR comes on.