With "Apologies" To Oscar Hammerstein II

When I am forced to pop Midol like gum,
And to make sure my trousers' hue is dark,
My disposition tends towards the glum.
To be a girl is nothing like a lark.
It's not the pain, though that is not a perk;
It's not the mess, though that's annoying, too;
It's that my patience wears out. I'm a jerk
For sev'ral days a month, and would eschew
Society if that were practical.
Alas it's not. I hate to be a girl
At times like this. I feel like I'm as full
Of bile as a gall bladder, want to curl
Into a ball around a heating pad;
Instead I'm here at work. And aren't we glad?