I'm in the anger phase again, I guess.
That phase where I just want to tear my hair,
Lash out and tell the world to f*ck off. Yes,
I'm mad I've lost another friend, don't care
If I hurt feelings, even if it's one
Who lost him, too. How lucky, then, that I
Share space with no such person. Ah, such fun
To cry within a cubicle. Nearby?
Banality and pointlessness all reign.
I'm trapped amongst it, teeth grinding in rage
For one more hour, then home to nurse my pain
In silence and in solitude. This age
Of distant loves and close connections brings
Sublimity, but also horrid things.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
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My heartfelt condolences for losing a friend. So sad.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful poem about something very true now - disconnected connections. I was gnashing my teeth about earlier today.
Thanks, T. I'm even angrier because I'm basically totally not complying with Max's wishes (c.f. his shattering blog post anticipating this very event from last year, "It ain't me" http://socialnetworkexile.wordpress.com/2010/09/03/it-aint-me/). He didn't want to be remembered and I can't stop remembering/missing/thinking of him and being angry. Which makes me angrier. It's a huge mess.
ReplyDeleteWell, K., look at it this way, if Max really didn't want to be remembered, then wouldn't he have had something or someone in place to erase his internet presence after he was gone?
ReplyDeleteAnd, don't you think he would've been wise enough to realize that "forgetting" someone when their footprints are still all over cyberspace would be a distinct impossibility?
And, what did he really mean by the post title "It ain't me"?
I don't men to be a pain, K., but I guess that's the risk we all take when we disclose our emotions in cyber-space... that is, we run the risk of attracting the unsolicited feed-back from well-meaning people who care! ;-)
Best to Max (and to Mac)... but, most of all, best to all of us left lingering in the darkness of grief asking unanswerable questions!
Peace out.
I tend to agree, Dia. I most interpret the "forgetting" he wants as not a lot of crying and raging and wringing of hands and drama, which preference I think I share. That being said, well, I'm only human and that's how my reactions come at first. We all know they are blunted with time, and like Harlan Ellison has wisely observed, a little disgracefulness sort of emphasizes that the person mattered, and still does matter. As is only fitting.
ReplyDeleteSigh. I just have to remember how very lucky I have been and still am.